Dr. Mohan's Chemistry Jokes

The Student Honors Thesis collection represents exemplary work in chemistry at Illinois Wesleyan University. The Ames Library is proud to archive these and other honors projects in Digital Commons @ IWU, the University's online archive of student, faculty and staff scholarship and creative activity.

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

***********************************************************

Two atoms run into each other. One atom says, "I think I lost an electron."

The second atom asks, "Are you sure?"

The first atom replies, "I'm positive."

***********************************************************

Student A: Knock, knock.

Student B: Who's there?

Student A: Aldehyde.

Student B: Aldehyde who?

(Few moments of silence . . .)

Student C: Hmmn, he's gone. Must have been a leaving group.

***********************************************************

Chemistry song:

You Pb me to believe he's dead

I Zn he won't survive

Ba in the ground, you fool,

Do you Zn he's still alive?

***********************************************************

Q: Why do white bears dissolve in water?

A: Because they're polar!

***********************************************************

Have you heard the one about the chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?

***********************************************************

Q: If a mole is an Avogadro number, what is a guaca-mole?

A: An avocado number!

***********************************************************

It's good to keep a positive attitude and not have an electron cloud over your head.

***********************************************************

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

A: They're cheaper than day rates!

*****************************************
Bunny---O----Bunny is an ether bunny !!

******************************************
Quotes

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." -Albert Einstein

***********************************************************

"Never express yourself more clearly than you think." -Niels Bohr

***********************************************************

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us." -Alexander Graham Bell

***********************************************************

"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." -Wernher von Braun

***********************************************************

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." -Winston Churchill

***********************************************************

"It is disconcerting to reflect on the number of students we have flunked in chemistry for not knowing what we later found to be untrue." -quoted in Robert L. Weber, Science with a Smile (1992)

***********************************************************

More quotes from Einstein:

"No amount of experiments can ever prove me right; a single experiment may at anytime prove me wrong."

"Everything should be as simple as possible, but not simpler."

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

"How can he possibly be humble? He hasn't done anything yet."